But this time it’s different. I can’t break queue and even Gandhi ji isn’t helping here. In fact I am not pitted against human race at all in this patience learning experience. I am fighting with the biggest invention of this (or last?) century viz. INTERNET. Speed of internet in the area I live is ridiculously slow. It is so slow that while telling you, I have to get really shameless, really really shameless.

Say as shameless as our neighboring country which first kept on saying that no wanted men is on our land. And when the father of all wanted men popped up from their land only, they got into ultra shameless mode and said, “We never knew it”. Or say as shameless as Sreesanth of World cup final who did his best to let Sri Lankans pile up runs. But when India won, thanks to captain cool and crew, he didn’t let his face show even a sign of his miserable bowling. In fact in most of the trophy photos, he is right there holding it and grinning just like our great grand fathers (with tails of course) would have ever grinned.

So hold on your breath my dear friends, here I enter my Box of Shame and let you know that the speed of my internet is an astronomically, astonishedely 25Kbps!!

Okay, so tougher part is done. Phew..

And no no, I do not live in internet rays protected underground bunkers in the fear of a comet going around the earth only in search of me. I am not even dead in  the judgment day  as predicted by some preacher. I am still in this world and live in one of the most hustling-bustling residential area of the SILLICON VALLEY iself !! (Okay, the Indian one but still SILLICON VALLEY).

But doomed is this particular street where I live I exactly. Whole of the area has got high speed connectivity but for this street, telecom operator run out of optical fibres, ports, number of connections and what not. The famous mariners poem:

Water, water, every where,

And all the boards did shrink;

Water, water, every where,

Nor any drop to drink.

                                Becomes following in my case :

Internet, internet , every where,

And all torrents do download in full bloom

Internet, internet, every where,

Nor any flash/HD/3D content to open

At the end I am left with no option save reassuring and encouraging myself to learn the art of patience.

In fact my dreams echo the same and try to teach the importance of being patient. Some of those are worth of a mention actually:

• Mr. Newton comes up and says “Son, do not worry. I also waited for long before the apple fell. You too will get high internet speed and will be able to surf fast.”

• And as if to console me in the inability of not downloading movies fast, the Bollywood mother herself come up and says :

• Even the sprawling baba community also takes pity at my misery and appears in dreams to bless and preach

All these dream protagonists are once in a while visitors and are fine, cool. But the situation gets really emotional when even the regular dream protagonist comes up and tries to teach the same.

Especially when the modern form of East India Company, directly coming from London, with an intention of ruling over Indians; the Sheila of our times doesn’t do a Shelia, rather do a Mango Slice.   Arrrrghhhhh…………………

…. Bas yehi sach, baki sab farzi hai.

Consider this: You are the owner  of a magical glass flask which holds a genie. This is a special type of genie , it fulfills all your information wishes ,from  information about Apple to Micromax ,Megan Fox to Sonakshi Sharma ,Modi to Sachin. But this genie believes in having fun.  It spilled the beans and let others know what’s on your mind.

This is Google Zeitgeist 2010 unofficially.

Officially, it’s:

“Based on the aggregation of billions of search queries people typed into Google this year, Zeitgeist captures the spirit of 2010.”

Some of the India specific results are :

1. We Hummed Munni ,saw Sheila but googled Sonakshi

So Munni got no reward for getting badnaam. Sheila also was also in some illusion only  of being chased as we Indians were actually busy in searching for Aruna shields and Sonakshi Sharma. These 2 were fastest rising people as per the results. And Salman khan wasn’t alone in running after Zarine, many Indians were with him. She ended up third in the category of fastest rising people.

2.In love with Indian railways
Trains forms an integral part of any Indian’s life. Results showed the same. IRCTC login page was the fastest rising search on Google.

3.QWERTY keypad, touchscreen ,GPS,emails ,apps ,torch
We want it all and that too in <5K .And that’s why we searched for Micromax. This low-cost, all-in-one mobile brand was the second in the list of fastest rising search.

4. One billion strong and still clueless about “how to get pregnant”
This phrase topped the category of most popular “How to”. We are definitely living amongst a highly inquisitive younger generation!

5. Go out, do some action.
Section of “How to” is really filled with some interesting searches. “Improve spoken English” at no. 4 seems very much in place. But “how to kiss” and “how to impress girls” at no. 2 and 3 steals the show. Perhaps people really believes that the noses gets stuck while kissing ,as shown in 3 idiots and are searching for the way out on Google.

6. Hence proved, Baba Ramdev was actively googling this year.
Searches for “Making money” and “Meditation” were consecutive in “How to” section, coming at position 9 and 10 respectively. Seems like maximum contribution came from Baba Ramdev’s side as he was trying to make maximum out of his meditation skills.

7. Apple’s fetish yet to hit us
Looks like Steve Jobs has got a lot of work left done as far as India is concerned. While iPhone 4 and iPads topped the list in US, in India Apple is at no.8th in the list of most searched brands. Nokia, Samsung and Airtel are the top 3.

8. Record record everywhere
Sachin tendulkar sits at a pretty no. 8 in the list of most searched people. And is it some another record??

9.MIND IT ANNA : Riots and bloodshed could follow
Tough for Rajnee’s  fans to digest ,but Endhiran wasn’t the most popular movie,it was a shocking second !  Can you believe, it was SECOND!!

10.Whoa! people still use orkut
Orkut seems to be still holding its ground in india. It came at no. 9 in the “Most popular” category. Topping the lists were songs ,Facebook and google.

11.Downloading is in our veins
We love downloading things for free. Entry of Zedge ,the site to download free ringtones/wallpapers confirms the same. It is in top 10 in fastest rising category.

12. The sports connection
As a cricket obsessed nation, entry of “cricket live scores” in a top 10 list comes as no surprise. But equally pleasing is the entry of “FIFA world cup” ,a non cricket sports entry. Lalit Modi was also googled a lot and he managed to beat Lady gaga , Sachin and Shakira !!

Some surprises:
Thos which could have been in top 10:
No CWG related term ,especially after such a high voltage drama around it in our country
Aamir khan ,although 3 idiots did make it through in the list of movies.
Land scams/Adarsh building scam/2 G scam are not there. But perhaps they got famous in the latter part of the year and so couldn’t manage a place in top 10

Why are they here ?? :
Kites is topping the list of most popular picture. Tough to digest!
Neha Sharma!  Please don’t consider me an outdated oldie ,but this lady sits proudly at no. 5 in the list of fastest growing people and I never heard of her before.
How to gain weight: Please don’t Google, leave me a comment. I would tell you all the practical ways, and would be happy to donate some Kilos as well.

Bas yehi sach ,baki sab farzi hai.

Madam ji ,you only asked me to do as per order of RAJA

Me?? When??

You asked me to follow every order of RAJA BABU :

I acted proactively and followed orders of everyone with RAJA in their name

Bas yehi sach ,baki sab farzi hai

“Our CWG committee office was nearby only ,we could have gone there itself.But to get the maximum out of our meetings ,we didn’t mind traveling so much extra. After all, we are public servants.” Mr. Aishmadi told.

The steps taken by CWG committee after this meeting are really exemplary, For example , a gang of dogs which somehow managed to enter CWG village is now being used for a special purpose ,rather then being shooed away.
It has been ensured that they always remain around athletes and their rooms ,mattress
etc. According to Mr.Phenyl of CWG committee, these dogs will go a long way in
maintaining the fitness of athletes. “It has been seen that these gora athletes, get faint
while training in our hot weather and don’t complete their daily fitness training. Now
,whenever these athletes will start to faint ,we will leave the dogs behind them. And
with such ferocious dogs running behind one’s ass, who will not run? In this way, we
will ensure that their training is never skipped.” Mr. Phenyl added.

In fact Mrs. Dhiila Fixit has also supported this step and said that “It will send a goodwill message across the whole world. It will prove that we are hospitable to everyone who comes to our CWG village, whether it’s an athlete or a dog.”

Another step to be implemented is the removal of all First Aid boxes from the village. When inquired about this, Mr. Aishmadi told that it has been done under a planned mission.”Removing first aid boxes will remove any trace of AIDS from the village.HIV Virus is very clever. It can come in any shape.We don’t want to take any chances.”, he said. But when asked ,what will be done in case of an accident if all first aid kits have been removed ,he replied back very confidently. “We have purchased special aircrafts to airlift athletes in case of an accident. They will be directly flown to their home country where they can get treatement and then will be airlifted back to CWG again.In this way ,they won’t feel homesick also”. These aircrafts have been stragetically named “white elephants” to convey their agility and usefulness.

Special arrangements have also been made for the diet of athletes. One of such steps will be the breeding of fishes in swimming pools meant for athletes training and contests. “Media has spread a lot of bad words about us without any proof. Our this step will instill confidence in athletes about their food”, Mr. Phenyl told. Under this step ,fishes will breed in the same pool which is meant for games .Athletes will see the fishes growing up daily in these pools .And when they will see the same fish on their dinner
plate ,they won’t have any doubt about the food quality.

With such innovative ideas being implmented ,we can finally trust the CWG commitee an wait for the games to start…with a bang.

Bas yehi sach ,baki sab farzi hai

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